How to Win Friends
The hardest thing for many people to do is to make friends with other people. It’s as if when we attempt to reach out to others, we are either shut down or unmemorable. It’s as if we are stuck in limbo when we are introduced to a group of others we are new to. It’s as if others aren’t ready to allow us into their social group, leading us to regret even trying. When we reach out, we are turned away. No matter how hard we attempt to push our influence, it seems like no one is listening. Whenever we try and fit the social mold, others see through our façade. We are stuck in this valley full of others which may be fruitful in our lives but are seemingly unable to grasp that fruit for our betterment. What is a man to do if he cannot even expand his social network and potentially influence others? The simplest way is to learn the lessons which you will read today.
Human beings love being right when it comes to a plethora of issues. Whether it be politics or sports or religion, all of us have our own ideas concerning issues we are passionate about. When we meet with someone who has opposing beliefs, our first instinct is to attack their beliefs and inform that person that our beliefs are better. However, when someone’s ideology is attacked, they harden and hold resentment against you. The better approach is to agree with their idea but ask them to consider your thoughts. This way, you are not attacking their thoughts and allowing that person to ponder over what you are saying. In many instances, you are able to turn their thought process and have someone end up agreeing with you in the end.
Sometimes, when we are faced with giving someone something they want and we don’t wish to give it to them, we tend to lock down our vice and immediately tell them no. This definitely brings resentment from others and causes a rift in any relationship. An alternative is giving a Quid Pro Quo approach to the situation. Tell that person that, if they want what they want, then they must do something else first. Typically, if they don’t want what they asked for, then they won’t give the time and effort necessary to get it. This not only makes them make the decision, but it also draws no resentment towards you. If they do want what they asked for, then they will do something for you in exchange for their wants. This will make you memorable and will get something you need done in the process.
Sometimes we think that all we have to do to win over people is to appear kind and civil. We attempt to flatter them in an attempt to seem caring and sincere. Most people will see right through your attempt because you aren’t truly being sincere. The difference between flattery and sincerity is that one is real; one occurs because you are generally interested in that person, the other is an attempt to gain favor from them. The simplest way to find something which you can align with someone about is to find something about them, whether it be their general appearance or one of their hobbies, and spark an interest with them. If you are fishing for something to talk about, ask them about themselves. Continue until you have something to connect with and begin the conversation. Keep it going, ask them to introduce you to something else and continue the process until this person is comfortable with retroacting this process with you. Talk to them about what they want, what they desire, what they feel strongly about. By doing so, continuing the process with this person, you will have a companion for life.
In the end, there is only one way to win over the hearts and minds of others, and that is to show interest in others. There truly is no other way. If you show interest in others, they will show the same level of interest in you.