Process: Five Steps to Misery
We live in a world which is filled with heartache, sorrow and pain. Some of it has been caused by others, but most of the time it is caused by the actions we take. It does not have to be this way though. When someone injects their lives with misery, it usually follows a simple 5 step process:
CAUTION: DO NOT DO ANY OF WHAT FOLLOWS!
Step 1: Become self-centered and believe that you are the center of attention
Double down on this concept by turning every conversation that you ever have towards yourself. By doing so, you will have everyone you talk to calling you a jerk. Should they call you this, continue to tell them how wonderful and superior you are to them and point out their flaws at every turn. When you have them ready to toss a punch, point out your professional victim status. Whether you are a minority, are a woman, a smaller man or disabled, throw it in their faces in a way that they would feel bad for hitting you, call you a couple of names and will walk away from you. You will then feel bad because no one will want to be around you. After this step is completed, it brings us to the next phase.
Step 2: Blame others for you being miserable
Inevitably, there will be some people who will actually want to still be your friend, and you should use that comradery to increase your isolation. You do this for accusing those who cannot stand you for your problems. Should you have no discretion for accusations. Everyone who disagrees with you is against you, everyone who does not hand you everything you desire is against you and everyone who has not bent over backwards to help you is against you. Create a social circle of people who have the same feelings as you and utilize their issues to help clarify all of the people who have wronged you in their eyes. Specialize in seeking out people who you know cannot help with all of the things that you want them to do. Once you are in this mindset, you can move on to the next phase.
Step 3: See pettiness as a virtue
Keeping the lessons from the first two steps, hold grudges for everything! Did someone forget your birthday? They’re dead to you! Has a friend gotten a promotion which you felt that you were more qualified for? Make sure that their time as your boss is as painful as possible. Did your mom make a dish that she KNOWS that you don’t like? Make a scene where there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that you are so hurt by her doing such a thing. No matter what happens, if someone does something that you don’t like, intentional or not, be so offended that it defines your relationship and remember the ultimate truth: whether consciously or subconsciously, they meant to hurt you!
Step 4: Become a self-righteous ideologue
Remember, even if others have done the same thing, nothing YOU say or do is offensive to anyone else. If they show offense or are hurt, that’s a they problem or they are faking it. They fake it because they want others to hate you more and nothing that comes out of their mouth is the truth. All they want is for others to look away from some terrible action they made in order to look at you taking offense. If someone takes their side, then they are now the enemy.
Step 5: Why should you have to change?
After all, nothing you do is wrong. There is nothing wrong with what you say, what you do or what you feel. Their thoughts and their words are incorrect in your eyes; therefore, you should be static in how you react and they need to just accept that the world is your oyster, not theirs. They are the ones who need to change and get tougher skin, not you. After all, you need to remember that no one who disagrees with you is correct, no one is better than you and people who don’t meet your standards don’t deserve the privilege of being in your presence.
You know that your doing it right if you live alone.