Fireside Chat: Pain Sucks. What's Your Point?

            I understand that everyone has something that is painful in their lives. Whether it is physical, mental, social or spiritual, everyone on Earth has something that they are going through.

If you are alive, you are a victim of something.

            Now, I’ve been accused of not being empathetic or rushing too quickly to judgement when it comes to a wide variety of subjects. Someone’s arm got broken and is now having to sign their name with their left hand. Another is going through a failed marriage. One person I know is not having the best go of life since she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Do I feel bad for these people? Absolutely! However, my level of empathy varies from person to person. I do not have the same sympathy for the guy in the cast as I do with the lady undergoing Chemo treatments. To me, even suggesting that you should care about everyone equally is, to be frank, horseshit! Why should I offer the same feeling for the grieving widow as someone who’s dog died? I’ll offer support in both cases, but certainly not at the same level. This moral objectivist logic is so void of a soul that it wants me to acknowledge their “victim” status on an equal playing field. Why? I’m telling you, the more that I know about people, the less I understand them.

            It’s funny, the other day I was at Walmart. There were these firefighters asking for donations for the MDA, an organization which aids those with Muscular Dystrophy. After I finished shopping, I gave the rest of the money I had to them. Right after they gave me my sticker saying that I donated to them, I watched as a morbidly obese man, whose partner had to pull up to the front of the store, waddled inside with his walker and made his way to the motorized scooters they have, took his seat, and with a swift motion, pulled his bag of chips out of his man bag and began to chow down as he waited for his family to find a parking spot. I suppose that the firefighters were thinking the same thing as I was, because we all looked at one another and were all thinking the exact same thing: pathetic!

            Now, am I supposed to feel bad for this man? I mean, in a way I do. He obviously uses food as a substitute for something in his life and he has people who enable him to continue down this path of destruction. On the other hand, no one is pointing a gun at him and demanding him to eat his way into an early grave. Actually, he’s the one who’s pointing the gun; food just has a longer trigger pull. Am I supposed to feel just as bad for him as I do for those who suffer from MD, something they have no control over?

            This man obviously suffers from some sort of mental pain. All of us do and all of us have some sort of vice. Whether that be food, cigarettes, drugs or alcohol, we all have something. If I may be so bold, I may know what most people suffer from more than most, primarily due to the fact that I have had to deal with obtaining injuries which most people deal with individually. I have vices in my life that aren’t necessarily good for me. The main difference is that I do not let these misfortunes define who I am. Too often, people just accept that their pain, their trauma, as what will dictate who they are for the rest of their lives. You know these people. These are the ones who accept that their dreams are over, those who give up at the first sign of any trouble, those who are so caught up with themselves and what THEY experienced, who try to win sympathy points on the basis that what they went through was so severe that there is no way for them to achieve their goals. And so thus they continue to live (or not) on the notion that they must be on their guard in every social situation or interaction that crosses their path.

            In my mind, this is such a pathetic way to live! The best way for anyone to cope, to endure, is to remember one single and solitary truth: YOU are responsible for how YOU feel. If you feel like crap because there are things you cannot do anymore, find something that you can still do. Pick up an old hobby. Go see a friend. Constantly work on breaking down the barriers in your own life, or at least make a peep hole in some of the walls you built up concerning your new quality of life. The strongest solution is always the simplest one and changing your mindset on a subject may not fix everything, but it sure would help out a lot.

            I don’t talk to people about what happened to me much. The reason being is that my greatest strength happens to also be my greatest weakness: my pride. I cannot stand sympathy and I’ll be damned if I just sit back and watch as someone else does something for me and I knew that I could have done it myself. I’m too proud to accept a victim label due to being disabled. Maybe that’s why I loathe others who, like the guy with the chips and scooter at Walmart, crippled themselves. Through no fault of my own, I am now disabled and will be disabled for the rest of my life. At 24, this is probably the most mobile and the least in pain I will ever be. Scooter guy’s situation, on the other hand, was preventable! I don’t want to focus too much on myself, but if I had just accepted Social Security benefits, my VA Compensation and gave up on life, how many people would have blamed me? I didn’t cause it; I wasn’t going down a dedicated and determined path of self-destruction and I was nearly killed in the line of duty. No one would blame me if I just checked out. I know too many people who are in much better shape than I am who have, so it would be a no brainer for me. The reason that I don’t, other than the pride thing, is that I don’t accept what any external force attempts to make me. I do not bow down to the whim of anyone or anything that dares try and determine who I am.

            In closing, there are a few universal truths for which I use to dictate my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. Some people won’t like them, but that’s because they are so caught up in their injuries to accept them. If you don’t like your situation, change it. If you feel like your dreams are over, then find different dreams, hopes and ambitions. If you can’t do everything you once could, then do what you can, with what you have, wherever you are. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, go and talk to someone. Whether it be your parents, your spouse or the Parish Priest, they will be able to help you out. The truth of the matter is a rather simple one, and that is others can see solutions to your problems much better than you can. Its hard to see the path when all your doing is staring at the mountains. Therefore, fight to craft an identity that is your own and be someone who you actually like to see in the mirror in the morning. You’ll be happier if you do, that I promise you.