Fireside Chat: Is it Wrong to Miss You?

I was a 12-year-old kid at the time when my hero ended his life, his wife’s life, and his child’s. A week before he did so, I watched his final match in a Gooseneck trailer on one of those old cube televisions that were so common at the time. The connection to the rabbit ears was lousy; I could barely see him, but I knew that it was him when I heard his music. The announcers said:

            “Making his way to the ring from Atlanta, Georgia, weighing in at 234 pounds, Chris Benoit!” The crowd was making the noise only given to future Hall of Famers. But, he stood composed in the ring as the announcer said:

            “And his opponent, from Jacksonville, Florida, weighing 230 pounds, Elijah Burke!” The crowd booed him. He continued to show off, further agitating the crowd. Commentator Joey Styles then claimed that Elijah seemed to have some butterflies in his stomach, as this was the last match to determine who would wrestle for the Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) World title. Tazz, the other commentator, laughed and said that if Elijah had butterflies, Benoit would knock them out of him. The bell rang, and the match began.

            I looked on in amazement as the two locked up, then Benoit took Burke to a waist lock takedown. Burke reversed the headlock and pinned Benoit for one count. Benoit chopped Burke across the chest twice before Burke pinned Benoit for a two count. Out of nowhere, Benoit locked in the Crossface, holding Burke’s left arm between his legs as he cranked back on Burke’s face. Burke managed to get his foot to the bottom rope for a rope break, forcing Benoit to release the hold. Benoit was kicked in the stomach. Benoit responded with a chop before Burke beat him in the corner, slung Benoit into the turnbuckle, and Burke pinned Benoit for a two count. Burke began to stomp on Benoit before another pin. After Benoit kicked out at 1, Burke kicked Benoit in the ribs and then placed Benoit on an abdominal stretch. Benoit managed to get loose and hit Burke with a Northern Lights Supplex, pinning Burke for a 2.5 count. Angered, Burke lifted Benoit and threw him across the top rope before Burke kicked Benoit to the floor. Benoit was then thrown to ring for a pin, kicking out at 1.

 Burke choked Benoit on the middle rope before Burke attempted to kick Benoit in the head. Benoit dodged the kick, punching Burke before a German Supplex, pinning Burke for 1, and another Northern light pins for 2. Fed up, Benoit hits Burke with the Hattrick, three successive Supplex’s without releasing the hold. Benoit signals that the end is near, stroking his thumb across his neck before getting on the top rope for the Diving Headbutt.  Burke counters it by lifting his knees, Benoit’s head bouncing off of Burke’s knees. While both Burke and Benoit were down, the referee began to count. I looked on with apprehension, knowing that the match is a draw if the referee counts to ten. At 8, Burke did a takedown pin on Benoit for a two count. After that, Burke pummeled Benoit before attempting a Supplex of his own. Benoit counters it and tries to lock on the Sharpshooter, which Burke opposes. Benoit counters the running knee, stepping aside while Burke’s knees went into the turnbuckle. Benoit locks on the Sharpshooter, and Burke taps out.

I had to suppress a cheer of my own to risk waking anyone. Benoit was going to Night of Champions, and he would be wrestling CM Punk for the only title in his almost 30-year career he had never won. Benoit celebrated with the fans and stood in front of the vacant title. Benoit touched the front plate of the belt with his right hand before leaving. I turned off the television and headed to bed. I didn’t know that this would be the last time I would ever see Benoit wrestle. By the end of that week, he killed himself and his entire family.

I’ve never been good with showing emotions. So, when my Aunt told me that Benoit was dead, I didn’t show that it affected me. He was the first wrestler I had ever seen on television, and I cheered the same way that so many others did when he finally won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. I cheered him on when he won the United States Championship, the Intercontinental Championship, the two teams he was in won the Tag Team Championships, and when he won the Royal Rumble. He was the only wrestler I wanted to meet in person when I got to go to the show live, and as far as I was concerned, he was the only man worthy of holding the United States title, which he had longer than any other wrestler in history.

I couldn’t believe that Benoit killed his wife Nancy and his son. I miss the legend, the thirty-year veteran, not the murderer. Perhaps it was just child-like nostalgia, but I tell myself from time to time that he had several concussions coupled with steroid abuse. Then again, I still find it hard to accept that he was out of his mind when he had been the number 1 contender for the ECW title only a couple of days prior. Even still, I hold on to the Chris Benoit I knew, hoping that he won’t always stay the same.